I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
