I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
