Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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