Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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