There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
