So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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