I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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