Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
