toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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