I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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