how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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