I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
