I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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