so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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