Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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