I just pynch a tree in the face
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
