finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
