areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
