those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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