I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
