If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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