I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
