it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
