like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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