you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
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do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
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I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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