she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You made out with two different species that night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
