I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
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my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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