Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
