Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
