Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
