My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
