I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
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You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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