what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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