if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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