I must be too annoying 4 u.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
