I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
