There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
