the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
