So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
