btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
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She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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