First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
