I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
