So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
