just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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