i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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