There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
