i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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