It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
