That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
