I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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