I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
