i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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