WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
