all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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