she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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