he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
