Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Four minutes until I can fart!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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