Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
