Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
