Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
