lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
