I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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