we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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