Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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