I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
